11.12.2014

Weird Wednesday: Ode to Cuttlefish

by Ryan Benson
Are you as touched as I?
Welcome to WEIRD WEDNESDAY(!!!!), a cute forum for me to blabber about bizarre, beautiful aspects of life! Yipee! Today's order of business is cuttlefish, the most psychedelic creatures ever. Thank you to Tali Juliano for introducing to me this dank species. I'm sorry that I judged you for using a picture of a cuttlefish as the wallpaper for your phone. I still find that strange, but I now celebrate your strangeness because I realize that cuttlefish are, indeed, the bees' knees. 

Why are cuttlefish the bees' knees, you ask? What makes this seemingly lousy fish so remarkable? The reasons are endless, my friends. For one thing, cuttlefish possess sick-nasty chameleon-like traits. To ward off predators they change colors to match their environment. And not just any colors, oh no, they change trippy, sparkly patterns. That's good stuff. ALSO, cuttlefish are the most intelligent invertebrates on the face of the earth. Beautiful and smart. The shrimp are definitely jealous. To top it off, cuttlefish can see backwards.

So my question is, if cuttlefish are obviously cooler than iguanas, dogs, komodo dragons, dolphins, salamanders, and all other earth-dwelling organisms, why don't they get any love? Why does our generation neglect to mention cuttlefish during discussion of favorite animals? Why must it always be about monkeys? Monkeys are annoying. Monkeys are mean. Monkeys don't change colors. Cuttlefish are the Chameleons of the Sea, by golly, does that count for nothing??????????? Actually, come to think of it, maybe the reason I love cuttlefish so much is because no one gives them the attention they deserve. Maybe I admire cuttlefish not because they can see backwards, but because they go unseen. Cuttlefish are the hidden gems--the girl at school who is amazing at the drums, or recites slam-poetry like a boss, or rocks purple hair. The girls who are uniquely beautiful in their own way but go unnoticed because everyone else is so hopelessly zeroed-in on the monkeys of the world. To all my cuttlefish out there, I hope you see your beauty. I hope you continue cultivating the strangely beautiful parts of you even when no one else is looking. Because one day, sweet cuttlefish, someone will notice. Someone will notice you and the breadth of your unique allure and realize that you, and not the monkey, are the most spectacular animal on the face of the earth. 




Glow, cuttlefish, glow!





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